There is only one first place. The word “prince” comes from prime or primeiro. The prince is the most important, the first place; therefore, the prince is the ruler. And if I look to myself today, I will see that I am my prince. I’ve been the first in my life. I do what I want when I want. I’ve been ruling my own life. My choices are ultimately mine. I do my homework because I want to have good grades by the end of the semester. I don’t do my homework when I want spend the day on my bed, or outside, on the grass, skateboarding or biking, or just listening to music and watching the sky change.
The thing is, I don’t know everything; I am not perfect or powerful. I make mistakes, and I have an evil and deceiving heart. I am not the best ruler of myself. And I know the person that is perfect, good, powerful, strong, wise. I know someone that wants the best for me and know the best way for me to get it. I know that I didn’t just exist, I was designed. And I know the designer will gladly guide me. The designer has one condition: He needs to be the first. He won’t share the first place with anyone; He is the only one or He will be nothing. I believe He loves me, and He wants to be my prince. But I know that He will never impose that, He will wait for an invitation. Also I know that if I start to question and try to take the first place back, He will not argue with me, He will step back and let me do things in my own way. That will hurt him a little, but He doesn’t need this place in me. He is great and Lord without me. He just wants that because He knows He is better at this than I could ever be.
I don’t want to be my prince, my first place. I want Jesus to be that. I trust Him way more than I trust myself. The hard part is that sometimes I count on His kindness and grace and I try to takeover again, then I push Him away. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want Him to be the first. I want Him to take over. I trust Him and He is the one that I want. More than anything else I want, even if I want something else badly. If it is not what He has for me, then I don’t want it.
It doesn’t mean that it is easy, because it is not. I am very aware of all my desires, my wishes, my dreams. I just trust that He knows best.
I know that you probably think that my life is mine, mine to live, mine to decide. That I should do what I want, what makes me happy. I discovered early on that life is better when Jesus is the one choosing for you or guiding your choices, if you prefer. Sometimes things that I think will make me happy bring more pain than happiness. I also know that He has things that are way better than I can imagine. Fulfillment is better than joy, and brings joy too. The feeling that you are doing exactly what you suppose to do, that you are in the right place, doing things in the right way, that faith and security are priceless. This is way better than anything I could do by myself. This is what I want, to be in the exactly spot He has for me, and it is great. So today, and hopefully everyday, I will give my best to be at this place, to step aside and let Him rule, to came back (and never leave again). This place in his heart is the place where I really belong, where I want to always stay.
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